Growing up, my girlfriends played with dolls: Barbie, Cabbage Patch Kids, American Girl dolls. Not me. I played dress up. There was nothing more fun to me than sifting through our dress-up trunk, pulling multiple different items out, and making some sort of fabulous, albeit ridiculous, outfit. I would layer a cast-aside plaid skirt from my mother’s closet over an old tutu, throw a silver braided belt on top of a silky tank top, and feel nothing short of glamourous. I would shuffle around in high heels, tie a scarf in my hair, pair polka dots with stripes, anything goes. I loved the feel of the fabrics, the patterns, everything about it.
Before I entered the 5th grade, my mother took me to Nordstrom to go back-to-school shopping. I treated my whole family (read: forced my apathetic older brothers and sweet supportive father) to a fashion show that evening, proudly traipsing out in each new item.
Clothes shopping for me, as I got older, was not only a delicious and fulfilling pastime, it was my cardio, my therapy, and my creative outlet. I maintain that there are few things in this world better than locating that perfect pair of jeans or a dress that fits so well, that you’d swear it was tailored specifically for you. The sweater that is the perfect hue, the boots you spent too much on but will wear until they fall off you. This is why we have bodies! To dress them!
So it was a bit of a sobering surprise when I found myself dreading getting dressed morning after morning many years later. Sure, I’d had two babies in two years and hadn’t been clothes shopping for myself much since before I’d had my first child. But it seemed that even my most favorite items didn’t give me that same sparkle when I put them on, even if they did still technically fit.
In the immortal words of David Byrne, “How did I get here?” Ultimately the ‘how’ is not what intrigues me. It’s what came next.
If you’ve had a similar journey, or if you’ve found yourself in a similar place, I’m sharing my tips for rediscovering, refining or recreating your personal style.
1. Be ruthless.
I decided to really examine what items were in my closet.
I removed every single item and went through it one by one. Every single thing, from socks to swimsuits, to old t-shirts reserved for painting or doing chores. Even the joggers that are so awful looking but are so damn comfy. I sifted through it all and made two piles: keep and do not keep. Things allowed in the “keep” pile had to do/be several things.
They had to make me feel good when wearing them.
They had to fit properly or be able to be tailored to do so.
They had to align with who I am and who I want to be now (more on this later).
I donated or sold anything that didn’t meet the criteria. Old underpants, out! Mate-less socks, gone! Anything stained, worn beyond repair, or ill-fitting no longer had a place here. Sentimental items, like my grandpa’s flannel and the Anthro dress I wore when I married my husband, got to stay even though I likely wouldn’t wear them often or again. But that untouched blouse I got on sale (for such a great price!), and the dress I bought in NYC and haven’t worn (I’m waiting for the perfect event!), both were eliminated. I ruthlessly got rid of any- and everything that I didn’t want to take into this new era with me.
2. Reflect on who you are, and just as importantly, who you want to be.
So much of the clothing I had just given away or sold represented who I was three, four, or five years ago. Many of those items had been trend-driven, purchased on impulse, and didn’t or wouldn’t work for my life as it is now. I thought about the roles I play in my life. I am a mama who likes to get on the floor and play with my babes. I am a business owner who meets with clients. I am a wife who likes to go to dinner and drinks with my husband. I am a friend who likes to catch up at happy hour. I’m a hiker. A coffee drinker. A gal who is fond of walking.
I also considered other people’s styles and what appealed to me or didn’t. While I love the idea of dressing like an extra in “Emily in Paris,” I have to admit to myself that it’s not feasible for me — lifestyle-wise and budget-wise.
BUT! By examining the fashion icons that I love, I was able to decipher which styles or attributes I should bring over into my new wardrobe. I took to Pinterest. I found commonalities in outfit ideas that appealed to me. As a twice-c-sectioned mama, I recognized that a high-waisted situation is what I feel most comfortable in and also what is most flattering for me in a pant or jean. I began to notice that outfits I favored blended masculine aspects (a loafer, say) with feminine things (flowy skirts). Most had a clean or monochromatic feel with some sort of aspect that was girly and romantic. I discovered I have a love of things that feel like October or an Oxford library (IYKYK). Rich colors and textures. Puffed sleeves. Classic buttons.
With all this in mind, I thought about the person I wanted to present to the world. She is someone who looks put together. Someone who is approachable, but styled. Someone who knows her body and can appreciate what works for her figure and embrace that. Someone who can meet a client in the morning, run her daughter to ballet in the afternoon, and show up for a double date at a downtown eatery all in the same fabulous outfit.
3. Take inventory and make a wishlist.
While looking through the items I kept and the inspiration I pinned, I began to recognize certain gaps in what remained of my wardrobe. I focused my effort on determining which pieces I needed moving forward. Things like high-waisted, straight-leg jeans in a dark wash, a classic camel coat, a black knee-high boot, a black cashmere sweater, or a soft white tee. I also thought about any jewelry that I was missing that I’d love to own. Something heirloom that I could eventually pass down to my daughter or son. I considered my underwear drawer. Woof to bras and underpants, amiright?
Now I realize that not everyone has the ability to completely replace their wardrobe all at once. However, by keeping these wishlist items in mind, I was able to stop impulse purchases or buying items that looked great on that gal at the coffee shop but actually were not at all right for me. Whatever your timeline or budget is, I think a wishlist is the way to go as it makes your purchases intentional.
4. Take your time. Be patient. Try, try, and try again.
We all have different ways we prefer to shop. For some it is painful. For others, it is best done with a girlfriend. For me, I found that trying to shop in person (in Boise, Idaho) just wasn’t doing it for me. When taking this reinvention on, I decided from the get-go that I wanted to stop purchasing fast fashion as much as possible. I decided that I would buy pieces that were the best quality pieces possible for the price that I could afford. I would seek out women-owned, small-batch, slow-fashion companies. If I had $100 to spend on a sweater, I would purchase the best quality sweater I could for that amount rather than two or three sweaters of lesser quality.
I often asked myself, “Do you think you would wear this in three years? Four years? Five?”
#1 Pro Tip: I placed orders online and purchased multiples in different sizes and styles (obviously make sure the return policy is gracious, though in my experience most places will refund anything unworn with tags within a reasonable amount of time). This helped me to find the perfect style and size in the comfort of my own home, pairing items with things I already owned. This also helped me discover that while I LOVE the way a long cardigan looks on Dakota Johnson in the streets of Soho, it just doesn’t have that same charm on me.
It took me several different tries to find the perfect pair of underpants (Skims Fits Everybody high-waisted thong, if you’re wondering). And then I bought a stupid amount in all different colors. Checked that one off the list.
It’s a slow game, the online-ordering-returning-ordering-again. But, I feel it is so worth it. Now, a few years later, I can honestly say that every piece in my closet is something I chose, something I love, something I feel good in.
This morning, I asked myself who I needed to be today, what I wanted to present to the world, and how I wanted to feel. Then I selected that perfect black cashmere sweater purchased three years ago. I feel ready to take on the day.
Heidy is an avid reader, an enthusiastic wine drinker, and a sometimes-hiker. You can find her rafting one of Idaho’s rivers with a magnetic force of a man (her husband), dancing in the kitchen with her two babes — Remington and Clementine — or finding a warm patch of grass on which to read or quietly muse. She drinks coffee every morning and dreams nearly every night.
You can find out more about me and my digital marketing company, La Lune Group, at LaLuneGroup.com.
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